Sunday, December 31, 2006
An open letter to Mattel
Dear Mattel: creator of all things toys,

Thank you for the opportunity to discuss our family Christmas. Anna truly enjoyed receiving the many gifts with your corporate logo on the boxes and many variations of My Little Pony inside the boxes. We have MLP bath stuff, MLP ponies, MLP castles, MLP drawing stuff, and in fact, enough MLP stuff to probably trade in and buy an actual little pony. This, however, is not the reason for my letter today.

I would like to discuss the procedures in which you encase all of these MLP's into the boxes. There are plastic coated metal twist ties, Scotch tape (why is it Scottish, btw, and not French or Argentinean? Just curious.), plastic thingamajigs and even pressure/vacuum/shrunk wrapped plastic shells over the more sensitive pieces like teacups and saucers. At one point, one of the poor MLP's hair was sewn onto part of the box. Sewn. You should be ashamed of yourselves. In fact, I might forward a copy of this letter to PETA.

While disassembling all of the boxes of MLP to free them from their prisons, it dawned on me that perhaps your efforts could be better utilitzed in other factors of consumerism. I don't think that it should take an educated adult 25 minutes to open a box that is roughly the size of a address book. That concept, however could be beneficial to other products. I bet the Surgeon General would be interested in how to make it take 25 minutes to remove a single cigarette from a pack.


Grammar Snob

Tuesday, December 26, 2006
It's always difficult the day after Christmas. So much hype, anticipation, late nights of preparation....for a few shining moments. (cue sappy music) This year is no different, I suppose. The mess is still in the living room, the tree calling me to be taken down, the slight disappointment that the gifts I chose for people did not strike them any more than the gifts they received from others. Don't get me wrong, the gifts were well received, but I'm such a pain in the ass when it comes to this. I spend so much effort picking know, the PERFECT gift for every single person. What sucks the most is I usually have to settle for an ALMOST perfect gift since what I decide is the perfect gift is so far out of the budget that it would be the perfect gift for several years to come - all wrapped in this one shiny box. So, I'm upset that I don't really get to give you what I want, which, I presume, comes through somehow via osmosis into your gift receiving. Yes, I am well aware that this particular personality flaw is funny to many of you. It's infuriating to me...if only I were rich, I could buy people the things I want to. Okay, sorry - let's move on.

On a quite happier note, this Christmas I realized how important many people are in my life. My friends and family make me laugh, cry, and shake my fist in righteous indignation, but I love each and every one of them. There's my sister, who, though we never lived in the same house, and we do not exactly share a bloodline, are so similar and opposite at the same time that you have to think we were meant to be sisters all along. My dad, in all his "screw you, I'm wearing pajama pants all day and I don't care who comes over" glory. My friends, who, when I was freaking the fuck out last week about someone ringing the doorbell for 10 minutes straight while I was home alone with Booger, was on the way out the door to come rescue me. Our other friends whose lack of presence over the weekend while they visited family was sorely missed. And my Husband & The Booger. Without them, none of it would mean anything.

Booger enjoyed Christmas (we still have a few more stops on the Christmas-gift-gathering trail). I loved the fact that I can buy her a coat with matching glove, hat, scarf set and she loved it just as much as the 2ft tall My Little Pony dollhouse she received from her Godfather. I know that very very soon she'll be asking for myriad electronic items I'll be required to wait in line, wrestle other shoppers and end up on the 6 O'Clock news for.

I am grateful for all that I have and wish everyone was as safe, warm, as happy as my family.

Sunday, December 24, 2006
It's just after 5:00 on Christmas Eve evening. I truly wish you all a very Merry Christmas!

Here's a quick summary of where I'm at with my preparations.

~Christmas cards. Signed, sealed, and addressed! Sitting unmailed in my trunk.
~Baking and candy making. Nonexistent.
~Christmas gifts. All purchased as of 2:30 this afternoon.
~Christmas gift wrapping. Er, maybe 75% completed. I am running out of ribbon so am working on the list of who gets ribbon and who doesn't.
~Plans confirmed. Not so much. 3 places to be tonight, not sure we'll make more than one.
~Neurotic activity. Check. And then some.

Merry Christmas, friends. Here's to celebrating your family and friends, especially those who know all about your freak tendencies and love you anyway!

Tuesday, December 19, 2006
I'm still here!
So many things to update, let's see if I can do it in a relatively organized fashion.

First, Booger's birthday was December 8 and her party the next day. She turned 5 and we went roller skating. She had so much fun that I think we will probably be roller skating once a month, AT LEAST, for the next little while. All of the kids (and most of the adults, except her favorite "uncle" who is all kinds of stubborn) had a great time lacing up their skates and taking to the rink. I skated for awhile and did fairly well. Except when I tried to stand still on skates. This is much harder than you might think. Anyway, the rink sort of reminded me of a combination disco/nascar race. There was great music with disco lights and sounds. The skating itself was very nascar. Lots of left turns with occasional pit stops! A few wheel changes, a few re-fuelings, and for sure a few crashes!! Mostly, though, there were enough smiles and laughs to last until next year's birthday!

I still have not sent out my Christmas cards. Or finished shopping. Or wrapping. Or baking. I have received many wonderful cards, some with pictures and a couple with The Christmas Newsletter. I used to look forward to those, catch up with how everyone is doing, where so-and-so is going to College and all that. But it seems as though The Christmas Newsletter has taken on a whole new meaning. The ones I received are "we're better than you - nanny nanny poo poo stick your head in doo doo" newsletters. I hate these. I love that you're kids are smart and happy and that you appear to be successful, but really. Is it so hard to say "X, 9, enjoys Tae Kwon Do and Y, 5, enjoys chess?" Why must you embark on a two page, double sided, novella about X and his Championship trophies, stomping kids 14 years old, and his space camp and his brown belt and his teaching to prepare for his black belt and blah blah blah. As for Y, really?? chess?? He's FIVE for crying out loud. He's about 2 months older than Booger and not only have you taught him chess, you have him competing in chess tournaments? You don't, perhaps, think this is just a wee bit too much?

Then we have Family D whose older child is 6 months older than Booger and their younger child is 3. They aren't nearly as active as the first two we've read about, but they do enjoy swimming, which, you so nicely told me came in very handy. As you went on THREE family vacations including Puerto Rico. With a 3 & 5 year old? Instead of a newsletter, next year can you please just send me some of the drugs you are taking? Thanks.

I know that deep down, the reason I am so bitter about these Christmas Newsletters (capitals on purpose...for they deserve it!) is because I am jealous. There I said it. Booger is excelling at many things, she's reading (not, you know, Shakespeare, but it's coming!), she's very good at artsy stuff and she's damn funny. But that pales in comparison to these Newsletters. I feel like I've somehow failed her if I am unable to produce 2 pages of accomplishments. I mean, I know I could. I'm nothing if not wordy. It might be fun to try, though. I could start with this:

Booger turned 5 this year and knows every word to Fergalicious and My Humps. We're so proud.

Thursday, December 07, 2006
Oh, man.
"But you better get a good head start because I'm coming for you, Jordan."

How much do I love Bradley Whitford.
And Aaron Sorkin. And Matthew Perry.

I'm still swooning!

Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Well, hello there!
First, many thanks to my good e-friend, Mrs. Chili. She's linked me (that sounds dirty, but really isn't) a few times and I now have new readers! Thank you so much. I am truly humbled.

So, how've you been? Me? I've been pretty much bedridden for damn near a week. Official diagnosis came Monday - double ear infection and infected pesky tonsils. I'm tired of being sick and I'm already officially sick and tired of Christmas.

Things I learned while being sick in bed for several days.
*Daytime TV sucks. After 10 minutes of each and every talk show, you begin to question if the Theory of Natural Selection is really even working. Who ARE these people?
*Over the counter medication should not be considered for the "more is better" equation. The drunk that ensues after taking pills and swiggin' them down with cough medicine is pretty funny. I could barely focus long enough to remember where the bathroom was.
*Scalding hot soup is still scalding hot 2.3 seconds after you burn your mouth the first time, but still try again. The burn inside your mouth will hurt for EVER.
*Hospitals are the place to both BE sick and to GET sick. For I was at the hospital on Thursday while my dad had surgery, started having symptoms Friday.

I am considering using my few days of sickness to cancel Christmas here at Chez Snob. I love Christmas, usually, but it seems that I simply don't have time for all the drama. Here it is, December 6 and I can't even fathom decorating. We have some outdoor stuff up, so the neighbor's don't think I'm a bad mom or anything, but inside....well, I just took the Halloween stuff down last week. I don't like to decorate until after Booger's birthday, which is Friday (The Feast of Immaculate Conception for all you doubters). Then the decor must be removed and sent back to the garage my birthday, which is 5 days after Christmas. That leaves approximately 20 days for the decorations to be up, which really? All that work? For 20 days? I know, I'm a freak and don't like for Booger to share her birthday with Christmas nor am I willing to share mine. It's a thing.

Also, I am terrible at early gift shopping. I have always been and always shall I be. I take so much time determining what I am going to buy you, that when I decide - well, I just want to give it to you. Now. Right now. Here it is. Look how cute I am picking the right gift! You will love it!!!! Except,'s only the beginning of December. Now you have nothing to open on Christmas. So I have to buy something else. Instead, I brainstorm and research and freak out, then go running around town and online about December 20 and buy everything in one or two days. Staying up all night to wrap, then relishing in the glorious gift giving. Sadly, I usually have too high of expectations from others and end up disappointed since I spent hours and hours finding your gift, only to receive from you something generic you bought in July on clearance. I am such a glutton for punishment. It's not that I am not thankful for the thought, it's that you didn't think - you wrapped all the gifts, then simply threw names on them. No thought, only requirement. So not the spirit in which gift giving was intended. I will sustain my course of action and perhaps start on a Christmas gift 12 step program come January.

Sunday, December 03, 2006
The flu sucks
My fever topped out yesterday at 104.3. Down to 101 today. Starting to feel human again. Browsing the web, reading blogs and a few message boards, feeling happy that I'm awake for more than 10 minute increments. Then, I stumble upon this sentence. It hurts in so many ways.

"There are a miriade of other reasons as well."