Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Anxiety Attack? Check.
I've never really had an anxiety attack. I've worried myself sick, sure. Bitten my fingernails until they bleed, oh yes. Checked the stove 10 times, uh huh.

Last week, a 17 year old family friend had open heart surgery. It was in the same hospital as Mr. Snob's open heart surgery in 07. New wing, though, which was nice. Except when we were trying to find the family waiting room, we happened across the family waiting room where I did my waiting. And the consultation room where I waited 2 hours for the surgeon. And then the double doors to the recovery room where I saw my husband lying naked, covered in iodine, with a breathing tube down his throat and tubes coming out of everywhere.

I freaked out. I couldn't breathe, tears started rolling down my face. Mr. Snob was with me and I think he maybe, finally, sort of saw a glimpse of what it was like to be on my side of that whole ordeal.

It only lasted a few minutes, and I'm better now. He had a check up echo done last week. The replaced valve is good (!!!) but his aortic root is dilated. No treatment, just a follow up echo in a year.

It's been 3 years since that day. I'm grateful for every day since....guess I just didn't realize how much it just sits -- even now -- right under the surface.

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