Hair follies

Holy great gobs of frizz! I had my old hair dryer for at least 10 years. I knew it and it knew me. It dried my hair…on high…at the rapid rate of about 25 minutes. Rapid, of course, being a relative term. But, I was cool with this because the end result was not-too-frizzy, not-too-Donna-Summerish, curls. So I was willing to sacrifice the 25 minutes and found ways to occupy my time during the drying. I sat at my desk and surfed the net. Ideal hair-drying location? Likely, no. But so what? It worked for us. My old hair dryer was on it’s last leg for at least 6 months. The handle would get so hot I couldn’t hold it, and sometimes after I turned it off, it would actually smoke. I needed a new dryer. I knew this. And a couple months ago, I finally broke down and bought one. This, after several failed attempts at doing so. I would go….ready to buy….dial my friend Vanessa’s number while standing in front of the Hair Dryer Buffet. “Which one, do you think? Ceramic, Ionic, 3 temperature settings, 1875W, 1600W, cool shot, retractable cord…..ARH HAIR DRYER MELTDOWN. Never mind, I’ll just wait til this one actually dies.” I was not to be beaten by this, so I did actually buy a hair dryer. We’ll discuss the features in a moment, but first, let us discuss the price. $24.99. For something that sucks in air (that I already own), heats it up, then blows it out. I don’t know, spending $248 on a new handbag I can do, but 25 bucks on a hair dryer? Painful. So very painful. I bought a Revlon 1875W Mercedes Benz of a Hair Dryer. It has 3 temperature setting and 2 speeds. Or so it said on the box. It does, in fact have 3 temperature settings, but they are not hot, warm, and cool. Oh, no. They are INFERNO, FLAME, and SMOLDER. In only 2 months since my purchase my hair dryer has turned into an electric blow torch. It gets so hot the coils on the inside are bright red. WTF? I cut 3 ½ inches of hair off and I’m still wearing out hair dryers in two months? This simply will not do. My hair, though now dry in a mere seven minutes, looks frighteningly like Carrot Top’s. Like I don’t have enough esteem issues as it is. So sad. Oh, my kingdom for my old hair dryer back.