Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Anxiety Attack? Check.
I've never really had an anxiety attack. I've worried myself sick, sure. Bitten my fingernails until they bleed, oh yes. Checked the stove 10 times, uh huh.

Last week, a 17 year old family friend had open heart surgery. It was in the same hospital as Mr. Snob's open heart surgery in 07. New wing, though, which was nice. Except when we were trying to find the family waiting room, we happened across the family waiting room where I did my waiting. And the consultation room where I waited 2 hours for the surgeon. And then the double doors to the recovery room where I saw my husband lying naked, covered in iodine, with a breathing tube down his throat and tubes coming out of everywhere.

I freaked out. I couldn't breathe, tears started rolling down my face. Mr. Snob was with me and I think he maybe, finally, sort of saw a glimpse of what it was like to be on my side of that whole ordeal.

It only lasted a few minutes, and I'm better now. He had a check up echo done last week. The replaced valve is good (!!!) but his aortic root is dilated. No treatment, just a follow up echo in a year.

It's been 3 years since that day. I'm grateful for every day since....guess I just didn't realize how much it just sits -- even now -- right under the surface.

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Friday, July 09, 2010
Hi there!
Randomness:
I miss writing, but I think I lost my funny. Have you seen it?
Sizzlin’ Sixteen wasn’t as good as I hoped. Needs more Ranger.
I’m beginning Eat Pray Love with very high expectations.
Summer is too short.
We scored free Cedar Point tickets! Who wants to join us?
LeBron is heading to Miami. I’ve been singing that dumbass Will Smith song in my head all day.
July 19 is the third anniversary of R’s open heart surgery. I am, as always, so so grateful.


Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Miscellaneous
I'm struggling a bit these days. School's back in session and this semester of nursing school will be a thousand times harder than last. Let us pause for a moment and remember than last semester almost broke me. Now, let's think positive and focus on the things I can control. Aaaand....breathe. Thanks, I feel better already.

When I begin to get out of sorts, I find that I am drawn to less. Less clutter, less talking, less food in the fridge, less -- everything. I was lucky to inherit 2 pieces of furniture from my mom's best friend over the weekend. Neither are quality pieces but have made my goal of LESS much easier to reach. The first piece, a short secretary style piece sits near the front door and houses keys, chargers, etc. and boasts a lovely flip down front that, when closed, hides all the stuff inside. It's wonderful. The second piece, a cheap little bookcase sits near the piano and houses all of Mr. Snob's piano music, my textbooks for the current semester, and a few other books I'd like to stick my nose into very soon. Those books now all have a place, are not strewn willy-nilly throughout the house and MAN, does that make me happy. Funny how adding two pieces of furniture still equals less. I don't know how that math works, it just does.

The sun is out today and I find that when it is, I don't even care how cold it is. (Currently, it's 21 degrees.)

Mr. Snob has found a marathon sponsored by Medtronic. They are the company who procured the porcine aortic valve currently residing in his heart. We can submit our story and if chosen, would be their guests for the marathon. I'm working on reviewing all of my thoughts from his surgery. I have so much more to say about it, too. Hopefully I can take the time to write it all down before I forget.

On that topic, I've nominated Mr. Snob's cardiothoracic surgeon, Dr. M, for a local Healthcare Heroes award. I have to tell them why he should win and am currently working my way through that.

I'm reading your stuff, my dear friends, but I'm not always commenting. I'll get better at it, I promise.

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Tuesday, December 08, 2009
December 8
On Saturday, December 8, 2001, my life changed forever. I gave birth to my daughter. She has many names. Her given name, of course. Banana, Booger, Sugar, Sugardy Boogerdy Boo, there are many. She is such a kind soul. She has warm chocolate brown eyes and an infectious laugh that comes from deep in her belly, and she is, quite simply, incredible. Funny, oh my goodness is she funny. She makes me smile every single day. I can, occassionallly, see glimpses of the woman she is bound to become. I can't wait to help you along on your journey. But not just yet, okay...I'm quite enjoying you at this age.

Happy Birthday, my love.

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Wednesday, December 02, 2009
New year, new calendar!
Chili's talking about new calendars today. It reminded me that I have wanted to ask you when your birthday was so that I can put it on my calendar. One of the good things in life is receiving a birthday card in the mail. I'd like to send you one. Tell me, would you, when should I send yours?


Tuesday, December 01, 2009
December 1, 1987
Twenty-two years ago, I stood in front of a judge who gave me the option to choose my dad. Not very many people are fortunate to get to make that choice. Without hesitation, I chose you, Dad. Choosing you made me feel whole. It may have just been a formality at that point, but the act of choosing…that feeling has never left. Before that, though…you chose me. You promised to take care of me, to hold me accountable, to tease me, to teach me to be responsible and to love me even when I wasn’t. You chose me. I’ll never be able to tell you how on that day, I felt whole. I had a person who so willingly gave me their name. There I was, a young girl, practicing writing my new name over and over. I was so proud of my new name. My new name came with not only a Dad, but a Sister and Brother, too. While mom and I were fine without that name….without you…we were and are so much better with you. I had a new name. I was a new person….because someone stood up and said, “I choose you.” I’m so glad you did and I love you so much.
Happy Adoption Anniversary!


Monday, November 23, 2009
update
I am good in a crisis. Always have been. When someone needs something, anything, I’m typically in their top five list of people to call. Maybe even the tippy top. Because if you need something, I’m your gal. I’m a clear thinker, I can take charge without being bitchy, and I flat out can get things done. I don’t take time to think about anything else other that what needs to be done right this second. I’m so good at it. I can help with your wedding, your funeral, your in-laws (not my own, but whatever), your pet, anything.

Maybe this is why the Universe keeps challenging me. Because I keep succeeding in my tasks. Dear Universe, (and I say this with the utmost respect) screw you. You and I are friends and friends are allowed to get mad at each other, yet still love each other. So back off and give me a fucking break for five minutes. There, I feel so much better.

Roy had the liver biopsy on the 10th or the 11th. Bleeding was a potential side effect, but he didn’t really have any the day of, you know, while we were at the hospital. Instead, his liver decided to bleed 8 days later all of a sudden for no apparent reason. I was on my way to class when he called. 20 minutes from home and he was in so much pain he couldn’t take a deep breath, was almost crying, and was in too much pain to drive himself to the hospital. I turned around, quickly texting my classmate to tell my instructor and sped home. We arrived at the hospital and he was in so much pain, it was just….oozing off of him. His blood pressure was through the roof. We were swept into an exam room and met, almost immediately by a doctor. We explained our recent (and not-so-recent) medical history and a CT scan was ordered to confirm bleeding. A big dose of Morp**ine helped take the edge off and so we waited.

My in-laws showed up (calling them was the right thing to do, but I would have preferred not to, truth be told). They make me crazy because they are NOT good in a crisis.

Anyway, we were told there was, in fact, bleeding in the liver and we would need to meet with a surgeon. (!!!) One that I am familiar with from my clinicals met with us and showed me the CT from the bleeding and the original one from the biopsy to confirm it was in the same place and related. No surgery needed, just bedrest, pain control and lots of lab work needed.

We got to go home the next night and he’s okay now, so far. We're watching the absorbtion of the blood and he has to take it really easy for a bit. More lab work today and more to tell you about our stay, but I wanted to touch base to let you know we’re all well. Not 100% maybe, but well

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