Friday, December 14, 2007
Winter blues
I have been in a serious funk lately. My lack of a full time job is taking it's toll on our checking account. Just in time for Christmas. I think that's why I'm struggling so much right now. I love Christmas. I love buying gifts for my loved ones and I get so much joy from picking out just the right things. Problem this year is my budget is so much less. So much less that it's comical. Now, I am fully aware that my adult friends do not need anything and they will not think any less of me if I simply make them some candy or cookies and include a nice card. Why, then, can't I just accept that? I can talk the talk and explain how great it is that I'm home more, less stressed out, and going to start classes in January. But, well, I've been an equal provider in our family since we began our family and now I feel inadequate somehow. It's stupid, I know, but it's there.

I'm working through this funk. My writing voice is still eluding me, hopefully it'll come back soon.


6 Comments:

Blogger Mrs. Chili said...

Sweetie, I know JUST what you're talking about. I've NEVER been an equal contributor to our household income, at least, not monetarily. I mean, come on; I'm an English teacher and my husband's an engineer. I'm NEVER going to make as much money as he does, ever!

I managed to adjust my thinking after I complained to my husband one year that I HATED buying him his Christmas presents with HIS money. He took my face in his hands and said "STOP IT. If you weren't here doing what you do, I'd have to spend more than I make to keep this house running the way it does. I'd have to hire a nanny, a housekeeper, a personal shopper and a cook. I'd have to take all my clothes to the cleaners, and I'd have to hire an accountant and a personal assistant. It's not MY money - it's OUR money."

You're in a partnership that's based on a lot more than business interests. While I understand your desire to be generous (trust me, I do), you should also recognize that you bring a lot more gifts to this party than what can be wrapped in paper and bows. Bake some cookies, make some nice cards, and truly believe that the love and energy that you're so generous with is worth far more than anything you can buy at Macy's.

Love you!

Chili

Blogger Professor J said...

Darlin,

I know it is tough when you have no money. I remember one year all my gifts were bought at Walgreens.

Let yourself off the hook. Cookies and coupons (1 free back rub or such)are wonderful gifts and will be appreciated.

Your generosity is about so much more than things.

Blogger Kizz said...

I hear you. Both about the blues in general and about the money in particular. I hate that some of my friends give me more than I can afford to reciprocate with. All we can do is out best with what we've got, though. We just have to give from our hearts and know that the people who really love us will understand.

At least you know that those of us out here on the internet do.

Anonymous Friend said...

I once dated a man who was very rich. He could buy any material thing he wanted. What he didn't have was love, and that's all he wanted.

As a writer, the best gift you can give anyone is something written just for them - a poem, a haiku, a short note about what makes them special. Trust me, a very expensive sweater will be out of style and forgotten soon enough while something that gives meaning to someone's existence will be cherished forever.

It's trite, but try to look at this as an opportunity to do something meaningful.

Blogger Lanie Painie said...

Awww. . .it is very difficult adjusting to a new lifestyle at any time of the year, but the holidays seem to magnify everything. Please remember, feelings are not stupid - emotions can't be helped. I tell my 6 year old that feelings are okay, not good or bad, whatever they are. (Behaviors on the other hand are another story!)

I'm certain that you are contributing more on the homefront than money could ever buy. Put your time and heart into whatever you give and be proud of it, knowing that your friendship and compassion is the most important gift you can give!

YOU GO GIRL!

Blogger Leann said...

Any gift you give will be appreciated because you will be giving a piece of yourself, and that you can't put a price on!

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