Monday, November 05, 2007
The Journey - update
I don't think I told you that we had a follow up appointment with the cardiologist on the 22nd. We are 3 months post op now. The great news is that R was given a "full release." It truly is great news. And while I am so happy I can't see straight, I'm also scared out of my mind. I simply don't understand how in 3 months you go from needing help to sit up to a full release with no restrictions. It's hard for me to let go. I know that I can't keep him in a bubble forever, but it's so scary.

Before we found out his surgery was imminent, he was training for a marathon. I was so proud of him for doing it and was encouraging him every step of the way. But now, I am having such a hard time being encouraging. He wants to start training again. I want him to live. I mean, I know it's not that drastic, I do. But damn it, it's hard. I know I can walk outside and get hit by a truck. But running a marathon for a cardiac patient is so......fuck. It's so wonderful and I am such a schmuck for not wanting him to do it. I'm getting better and promise to try to keep my freakness to myself.

I think I've figured out a way to work through this. I think the only way I'm going to be okay with him running a marathon is to actually run with him. Holy shit. I guess it's time to get my butt back into exercise and work up to running, then, hopefully, by spring, be in a position to start training. Wow. Now that I've said that out loud (you know what I mean) I can't take it back. Wish me luck, I'm gonna need it.

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5 Comments:

Blogger Mrs. Chili said...

Yeah, good luck with that. I detest running, and I REALLY don't understand the whole marathon thing.

I totally get where you're coming from with this post, though, Snob. It IS hard to reconcile that R is really okay. I mean, yes - he should be careful and pay VERY close attention to what his body tells him - but bodies really ARE amazing things. Besides, it's better for him to pick up a running habit than to, you know, sit around on the couch all day drinking beer and smoking Camels...

Blogger Kizz said...

I don't think you're a bad person for not feeling encouraging. I don't know that I'd ever get over that constant low level fear after something this big.

In the spirit of the power of positive thinking, though, I'll tell you that I saw a man certainly at least one decade older than R and maybe 2 who was a heart TRANSPLANT patient and he was chugging along with aplomb at the 8.5 mile mark in the NYC marathon yesterday.

Blogger The Grammar Snob said...

I don't get it either, Chili....but I feel like being next to him the whole way is the only way I can "protect" him.

Kizz, your wording is perfect. "Constant low level fear." I haven't been able to describe it and that's it exactly.

R's ultimate dream is the NYC Marathon, but I think we'll start with a more local one. We're shooting for the Detroit one next October. The course covers Detroit and Windsor, ON.

Anonymous Organic Mama said...

This is unknown territory for you, so it's no wonder you are freaking a little, but kudos to you for coping with it and by pledging to do the marathon WITH HIM! That's huge. Thats, wow! How did R respond when you told him?
Hmm, what music are you going to put on your mp3 player to get you moving??

Blogger Kizz said...

SO, wait, the Detroit marathon goes over a bridge in the crazy cold and then you have to stop at CUSTOMS?!?! That doesn't seem very efficient.

When you're ready for the NYC marathon let me know so I can help with logistics. I don't know if you read Suburban Bliss but Melissa's husband did the NYC one this year and she had a simply horrific time in New York and that just killed me. I don't want it to happen to her again or to anyone else.

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