Thursday, May 03, 2007
All I want is pretty nails
I'm addicted to my cuticle nipper. There I said it. I have (temporarily) stopped biting my nails. (and the crowd cheers!) In a futile attempt to make my hands pretty, I'm slathering on cuticle oil and buffing and nipping and strengthening several times a day. Yes, I am fully aware this is probably too much, but look!!! I have nails. Well, a few. Which brings me to my first issue - why in the hell can't they all grow at the same pace? Who wants 4 beautiful nails and 6 stubby ones? I mean, really. That's just wrong. Another bitching point is that my nails are not the pretty white, french manicurey that I would like. They are sort of transparent and this is annoying to me. If I'm going to go through all this trouble of trying to stop biting my nails, then everyone should see how pretty they are without me shoving my hands in there face. SEE!!! LOOK...PRETTY NAILS!

I have been biting my nails since, well, since ever. And I would do it without realizing it and they were gross and ugly and would hurt and bleed. See, gross. I never even realized I was doing it. Hell, there is a picture in my High School yearbook...there I am in the background biting my nails. It seems pretty clear to me now why I was not seeing any action back in those days. What with the perm (I know, I KNOW) and the nail biting. Hot piece of ass, for sure! Not.

So, I will continue my attempt at pretty nails, natural style. Should last until after next week when I go into freak "clean everything in the house because you are an unemployed schmuck" mode. Which, at least that should offer some good blogging fodder. Maybe we'll do a live-blogging clean out the closet post. With pictures!


Anonymous mrschili said...

Oh, for the love of all that is holy, STOP NIPPING!!!

Ok, look; I, too, used to have horrible nails. I didn't bite them, but they were weak and thin and prone to ripping off below the skin: blood AND pain! The ultimate double-whammy!

When I got fed up with paying to have my nails coated in acrylic (and started to worry about what kind of nastiness I was absorbing into my body from the process), I resolved to start taking care of my hands. Wanna know what that entails? Me, sitting on the couch watching t.v. at night (which I do anyway) rubbing Burt's Bees Lemon Cuticle Creme into my fingers. Seriously.

Here's what I want you to do, because I know better, and I am bossy; file (DON'T snip!) your nails all down to the same size before you start. Go on over to Wal-Mart or Walgreens or whatever mass-market health-and-beauty care store you have in your neighborhood and drop the six bucks on a tin of this stuff. Burt's Bees Lemon Cuticle Creme. Write it down. It's truly amazing. After about a week or so of absent-minded t.v. cuticle massage, you'll notice a HUGE difference in how your hands look (and how your nails grow). I promise - and I've not let you down yet!

Anonymous Naeva - Mom of 2 said...

My best friend at high school used to be exactly like you but guess what...she told me over the phone (she lives in amother town now) last year, that she had the most beautiful nails...

If she can, you can do, too!

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