Tuesday, March 27, 2007
The gospel according to Karma
I have this friend who used to drive a car with a busted side mirror. It was duct taped back in place. High class East Side all the way. I would hassle this friend about the mirror and make seventeen million different smart ass comments. I enjoyed teasing him about the mirror and would notice if a fresh layer of tape had been added for stability.

Last week, while pulling into the garage, I was way too close to the side and uh, well....you know. Busted my mirror off. You would think that my first thought would be something along the lines of "Well, fuck." Oh, no. My very first thought was "Okay, Karma, you got me." It may take awhile, but Karma, she WILL get you. The story gets better, of course, for I am an idiot. Thought I could just let it dangle there while I ran up to the auto parts store looking for something to make it magically disappear so I wouldn't have to tell my husband. Yeah, you can picture it, right? Me, driving down the street with the mirror flapping along side of the car. Yes, flapping. Told you I was an idiot. I'm just lucky it didn't fly off and shatter the windshield of the person behind me.

In honor of my Karmic suffering, I thought I would use this week's 10 things to reflect upon 10 incredibly stupid things I've done in my life. Please hold your applause until the end.

1. When I was in 5th grade or so, I cut my bangs before school. By myself. Down to the scalp.

2. Once when arriving for an interview I locked my purse, keys, and cell phone in the car. Hard to impress them with my mad organization skills when I needed to use their phone to call my husband, then wait in their lobby until he arrived.

3. I went skiing once. Based on my graceful history, you will not be at all surprised that I ended up in a full leg cast for 9 weeks.

4. I was an active participant in the mosh pit at a Pantera concert. I paid real money for that concert ticket. I'll never get that $35 or those 2 hours of my life back.

5. I thought making friends in college was more important than going to class.

6. I jumped down the stairs of my childhood house, cracked my forehead on the ceiling/wall/stairwell and passed out for I don't know how long. While I was home alone.

7. Once, when making candles, I sprayed the aerosol mold release spray too close to the stove and set the counter top on fire. Aerosol can sprayed over open flame, yeah. Pretty sure that's the #1 warning on the can.

8. Blew the engine on my old Mazda by putting too much oil in it.

9. Blew the engine on our old riding lawnmower by not putting enough oil in it.

10. Did I mention I ran the car into the side of the garage and broke the mirror off?!



Anonymous Bat Man said...

Awesome. I cracked my head on a rocking chair. I was under the chair and it was self inflicted. But I was 5 or 6 or something like that.

Anonymous Organic Mama said...

I love the topic!! Was it cathartic? Will you support my list when I unload MY what I call moron maneuvers? "Cause I also have some doozies - like the time I wish wasn't recently when I checked to see why the tooth powder wasn't coming out of the little hole by squeezing it, very hard, right in front of my eyes....

Anonymous mrschili said...

Oh, this is a GREAT topic! We should clue Very Contrary in on it - she's got some of the funniest "y'all ain't gonna BELIEVE what I just did" stories EVER!

Blogger The Grammar Snob said...

It WAS cathartic. Surprisingly so. I remembered a few more, while initally not sure I even had 10, I might even have 10 more!

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