Oh the humanity. What to do, what to do? A friend has suggested that I get a cleaning lady. Luckily, this suggestion did not come as a direct result of visiting my home. Instead, after a conversation that went like so many of my recent conversations. You know, it starts out normal, how are you blah blah blah. Then it becomes “I can’t keep up, I can’t say no, I’m never home, my blinds are dirty and will you just LOOK at the ceiling fans?” On second thought, don’t look at my ceiling fans for they are dirty, my friend.
My house is a disaster. I have stuff everywhere. I may be overstating, and I understand this, however I am this close to calling the garbage people and having a dumpster dropped off so I can fill it with myriad items I no longer want or need. Broken things, long forgotten things I don’t need or want.
A cleaning person might be just what I need to help control the anxiety attacks I have been having. We are all aware of my idiosyncratic methods of leaving my house. But lately, it doesn’t stop at checking the stove a few times, or the iron, or the garage door or the hair dryer. It continues on to “oh my God what if I’m in an accident and someone has to come over to feed the dog and sees the stuff on the stairs I haven’t carried up yet, or the dishes that are clean, but not put away, or the toys on the floor or god in heaven the dirty ceiling fans.” It spins and spirals out of control until I am almost in tears and seconds from not leaving the house at all.
Now, I understand this is a problem, I do. I also understand that there are a few things I can do to remedy (or try to remedy) the situation. But along with all of my other issues, I have the big problem of not being able to say no. So every day I think of things I’m going to get done this weekend. Then think of how much better I’m going to feel when it’s done. It will save me from angst. Then something happens, or someone calls and it’s suddenly Sunday night and I have accomplished NOTHING on the list. Not. One. Thing. And here were are starting all over again, only this time new and improved with more guilt.
I’m getting off this roller coaster, I am telling you right now. I am. I don’t yet know how, but I am trying. Right after I work out my fantasy football team. (I know, but sheesh, a girl’s gotta have some priorities, no??)