Stolen meme

I'm lazy and stole this meme from Chili, who stole it from Tense Teacher. We are thieves who simply can not refuse making a list.

Two names I go by:

1. Amy Lynn
   
2. Momma

Two things I am wearing right now:

1. Jeans
   
2. Bifocal glasses
   

Two things I want in a relationship:

1. Loyalty
   
2. Humor
   

Two of my favorite things to do:

1. Read
   
2. Write
   

Two things I want very badly at the moment:

1. Clean closets
   
2. Warmer weather
   

Two pets I have:

1. 1 dog
   
2. The i-dog speaker for our i-pods
   

Two people who will fill this out:

1. I did.
2. Chili (I stole it from her)
   

Two things I did last night:

1. Made dinner for some very good friends.
   
2. Ate too many homemade donuts.
   

Two people who live in my house:

1. Mr. Snob
   
2. Booger
   

Two things I’ve eaten today:

1. Leftover donut (why are they so bad the next day?)
2. I drank Diet Coke - it's early and I haven't had lunch yet.
   

Two people I last talked to:

1. Mr. Snob
   
2. Vanessa
   

Two things I’m doing tomorrow:

1. Going to a Tupperware party - I'm ridiculously happy about it.
   
2. Attending Booger's Kindergarten Screening
   

Two longest car rides:

1. Toledo to Chicago - the longest 4 1/2 hours of your life
   
2. From home to the Church on my wedding day
   

My two favorite holidays

1. Easter
   
2. Booger's Birthday
   

My two favorite beverages:

1. Diet Coke
   
2. Ice cold water with a slice of lime
   

My two favorite movies:

1. Batman (with Michael Keaton)
2. Tombstone (because Val Kilmer is hilarious in it) - please note it is impossible to pick only 2 movies - I have at least 20 favorites
   

Two of my favorite places:

1. Home
2. Anywhere my friends and family are
   

The gospel according to Karma

I have this friend who used to drive a car with a busted side mirror. It was duct taped back in place. High class East Side all the way. I would hassle this friend about the mirror and make seventeen million different smart ass comments. I enjoyed teasing him about the mirror and would notice if a fresh layer of tape had been added for stability.

Last week, while pulling into the garage, I was way too close to the side and uh, well....you know. Busted my mirror off. You would think that my first thought would be something along the lines of "Well, fuck." Oh, no. My very first thought was "Okay, Karma, you got me." It may take awhile, but Karma, she WILL get you. The story gets better, of course, for I am an idiot. Thought I could just let it dangle there while I ran up to the auto parts store looking for something to make it magically disappear so I wouldn't have to tell my husband. Yeah, you can picture it, right? Me, driving down the street with the mirror flapping along side of the car. Yes, flapping. Told you I was an idiot. I'm just lucky it didn't fly off and shatter the windshield of the person behind me.

In honor of my Karmic suffering, I thought I would use this week's 10 things to reflect upon 10 incredibly stupid things I've done in my life. Please hold your applause until the end.

1. When I was in 5th grade or so, I cut my bangs before school. By myself. Down to the scalp.

2. Once when arriving for an interview I locked my purse, keys, and cell phone in the car. Hard to impress them with my mad organization skills when I needed to use their phone to call my husband, then wait in their lobby until he arrived.

3. I went skiing once. Based on my graceful history, you will not be at all surprised that I ended up in a full leg cast for 9 weeks.

4. I was an active participant in the mosh pit at a Pantera concert. I paid real money for that concert ticket. I'll never get that $35 or those 2 hours of my life back.

5. I thought making friends in college was more important than going to class.

6. I jumped down the stairs of my childhood house, cracked my forehead on the ceiling/wall/stairwell and passed out for I don't know how long. While I was home alone.

7. Once, when making candles, I sprayed the aerosol mold release spray too close to the stove and set the counter top on fire. Aerosol can sprayed over open flame, yeah. Pretty sure that's the #1 warning on the can.

8. Blew the engine on my old Mazda by putting too much oil in it.

9. Blew the engine on our old riding lawnmower by not putting enough oil in it.

10. Did I mention I ran the car into the side of the garage and broke the mirror off?!

Ten Things

This week I think I'll just throw out 10 things currently bouncing 'round in my head.

1. Putting a spoiler/wing on the back of a Dodge Neon does not make it cool. Not even close.

2. Sometimes on Sundays, during the Priest's homily, I think he's talking directly to me. I am both incredibly comforted and horrified by this. I mean, sure, I appreciate you making your homily so relevant, but sheesh - am I that transparent?

3. My husband is the best thing to ever happen to me. I don't tell him enough.

4. Would it kill people to wear something other than their flannel pajamas when they leave the house? Are actual clothes so damn uncomfortable? I understand I'm on the opposite end of this spectrum and can hardly get the mail without mascara, but c'mon.

5. BGSU Women's Basketball team is headed for the Sweet Sixteen! Roll along, ladies!

6. Ironing the shower curtain has not lead to ironing the bedsheets, but it has lead to 3 days of a clean bathroom - hooray!

7. George W. Bush has once again asked me for patience - I'm sorry, Mr. President, I am FRESH OUT of patience.

8. Thanks to Organic Mama, I am constantly singing Spamalot songs.

9. I have stuck to my American Idol boycott, but see a sad addiction to Dancing With the Stars in my near future.

10. This blog is the best therapy ever!

It's the end of the world as we know it.

I did something today that I never thought I would. I have many quirks - foibles, if you will. But never in a million years would I have pegged myself as this person.

I ironed the shower curtain.

I am not proud. Well, I sort of am. For it is nice and clean and wrinkle-free. I'm not sure which is worse, ironing the damn thing or smiling every time I walk in there and see how nice it looks.

I think I'll be okay, but if I start ironing those damn wrinkled bed sheets, I'm calling one of you for help.

60 day notice

Good people lose their jobs to "restructuring" all the time.

But it really sucks when it happens to you.

I've about had it with the last 6 months or so. So, God - I'm crying "Uncle"...enough already.

Please.

Ten Things - On Tuesday!

Look at me, on time for a change. Let's celebrate. I'll give you a little gift to make you all feel like you are all very normal while I am very, not normal. My OCD, she's a strange strange friend.

Ten thing I obsess about. All. The. Damn. Time.

1. Is the stove off? (It is, I just checked it last time I went downstairs.)

2. Is the garage door closed? (It is, I checked it 3 times today.)

3. Why do my bedsheets come out of the dryer so f'ing wrinkled?

4. I start the day EVERY DAY with such high expectations of progress - cooking, cleaning, relishing in the cleaning....then before I sleep I freak out about what didn't get done.

5. How did we run out of Diet Coke? Again. And maybe I should kinda keep track of how much I'm drinking.

6. I always buy extra envelopes because I am a stupid perfectionist when it comes to penmanship. I am often found whiting out notes in my day-planner simply to re-write them neater. (FREAK)

7. I unplug just about everything when it's not in use. This includes the modem & router, those plug in air fresheners, lamps, everything. It drives my husband crazy, though he pretends it doesn't. I'd unplug the refridgerator, too, if I could figure out a way to keep the Diet Coke cold without it.

8. I can take a handful of Excedrin or ibuprofen and not think twice, but I'm afraid a single dose of Vicoden or Percocet will land me in the Penthouse Suite of the Betty Ford Clinic.

9. I straighten up the house before leaving because what if I get delayed and someone has to come over to let the dog out and they see dishes in the sink? WHAT THEN?!?!?!?! Oh the humanity!

10. OCD types tend to hoard things. Things they can never let go of, even though it is a worthless piece of junk. I'm not like that - except for old makeup. Why can't I get rid of the pale green eye shadow.....whhhhhyyyyyyy.

Thank you for allowing me this bit of therapy. Please don't run away. I mean, I would if I were you and read all about what a freak I am, but please don't. I need you. Wait....come back!

Ten Things

I will no longer hold myself to Tuesday, but will try (after today) to have my Ten Things on either Tuesday or Thursday if only because I am a sucker for alliteration.

Today's Ten Things are all random thoughts.

1. It snowed again and I just don't understand how people forget to slow the fuck down when it just snowed last week. For crying out loud.

2. I'm biting my nails again and am this close to breaking down and getting the acrylic nails again. Yes, they're expensive. Yes, it's an expense I don't need. But they make me feel so much better and don't I deserve it?

3. I've never been prouder to say I'm a lifelong Democrat.

4. I didn't want to post again, maybe ever, because His Royal Hottness will no longer be on the top of the page.

5. Remember when I didn't have a child and used to think I was so busy. Please - I was an idiot.

6. I want to take my husband to NYC for our 10 year anniversary (2009) and see a crapload of Broadway musicals.

7. I want to write a vignette of sorts about my Granny, have it bound and give it to my Mom for Christmas. Any suggestions on binding??

8. I wait until the very last minute to pee.

9. I keep forgetting to buy White Out when I go to the store. I've needed some now for 2 weeks.

10. Nothing brings me pleasure like buying someone the perfect gift and watching them open it.

Truancy

I am truant.

I'm skipping Ten things this week. And I don't have a hall pass.

I do, however, have this. Hello, Daniel Radcliffe and how dare you be a mere 17 years old.


He's starring in a new theater production in London. Anyone else want to come with me??